The tall poppy syndrome is alive and well in Australia, and in many other parts of the world. There seems to be a growing need for some to pull others down to their low depths in order to make themselves feel better. And in doing so it can change your happy bubbly mood in an instant to one of the dark doldrums and depression.

Wikipedia describes the tall poppy syndrome as “a populist, levelling, social attitude”. It is seen is society when those who make a real accomplishment are criticised or begrudged because their achievement distinguishes them above others. The achievement is often criticised as being ‘without merit’ or unimportant, and the person victimised.

The other day I happened to visit my recent Herald Sun article site to review the comments that had been left by readers. I was on a high that morning having reconnected with nature, and generally having a good and positive week. To my shock I saw two negative comments from very ill informed people. It rocked me to my core that people could be so misinformed and wilfully making damaging public comments that had absolutely no factual basis. I know that by putting myself out there I opened myself up to criticism and that I need to get less sensitised to this. But I am human. And it still hurts.

So in this day and age when we’re meant to stay positive, true to ourselves, how can we when there are so many negative people around us? I did some research and found there are some easy steps we can use to keep positive around negative people:

Prevention Techniques

Stop judging

Judging people is one of the most common learned behaviours and getting out of the habit takes time and vigilance. Check in with yourself for a moment and ask “am I judging this person?” If the answer is yes, then stop. This universe may have presented this person in your life for a reason. Be grateful for the opportunity to explore this gift.

Use a Little Empathy

Rather than escalating the situation with your suggested solution or correction, it can be more helpful to try a more empathetic approach. People who are upset or negative generally respond well to an understanding for their personal situation or point of view. Remember, though, this doesn’t mean you need to agree with them.

Be Positive

Sometimes easier said than done. But everyone has at least one redeeming quality, even if you don’t know them well. In the heat of a negative moment it can be difficult to find so look for something physical (great suit, nice shoes) to focus on to neutralise the negative energy.

Give Them A Compliment

OK, this may be the last thing you feel like doing but negative people tend to be negative about everything, including themselves. Giving them a compliment about that positive item you found above can completely change the tone of the conversation. They may be surprised at first, and may even try to reject or bush off your compliment, but if you persist you’ll be able to break through and you may even make their day.

Keep It Light

If the conversation is taking a turn for the worse, here’s your chance to practice your skills at turning it around. If a certain topic has got someone spouting negatives then change it completely and bring in a new topic to lighten the mood. Simple things like new movies, daily occurrences and common friends make for light conversation.

Ignorance is Bliss

It may sound simple enough, but it can be really challenging to just ignore something negative. Saying ‘I understand’ or ‘understood’ is an easy way for them to feel they are being heard and enabling them to move on. It doesn’t mean you agree with them, just that you understand or comprehend what they are saying.

No Arguments

There’s just no point getting into a debate or argument with a negative person. You have no hope of changing their mind as they are so set on changing yours! Better not to engage in conversation on that topic, use the other techniques to turn the conversation around.

Have a Threesome

Preventing negative conversations in the first place can be easier in groups of three or more. And if it does get negative then the negative energy is likely to be more easily dispersed than a one on one conversation, enabling you to get more practice at turning the conversation around.

A Helping Hand

It’s true that a person’s cry for help can sometimes be disguised in their complaints. Asking simply “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can sometimes resolve the negativity.

Leave

If all else fails, then leaving the conversation is probably the best option. Make an excuse like going to the bathroom or needing to make a call can sometimes be the easiest and best way to deal with the situation. If it’s a good friend then you may need to discuss the situation, and if they are truly a good friend then they will understand. It’s not healthy to spend too much time with people of situation that drain you – it’s one of the reasons I don’t listen to or read the news.

Recovery Techniques

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Sometimes the negative talk can end up being very personal and about you! If you are deluged in a sea of negative ‘feedback’ then it’s important not to take it too personally. Instead analyse briefly why this occurred. Often times the negativity is relayed purely due to your success, or talent, or due to jealousy.

Confide in a Friend

Sharing your experience with a special friend who will support you can often be the quickest way to recovery. But make sure it’s a good friend, and one who has positive energy.

Think Happy Thoughts

Getting yourself back on that horse after you’ve been pushed off can be difficult. Take a moment to combat negativity by thinking of happy moments in your life, or thinking about the big picture for your future. It’s sure to pick you pack up.

Go Internal

Often negative emotions can be dissipated through a brief period of internal meditation. Close your eyes if possible, focus on your breath and slow your breathing down. Go to your ‘happy place’ visually and see in detail every aspect of it – each leaf, each raindrop, each ray of light and focus on turning up the intensity with colour and sound. You are much less susceptible to negative energy when you are in that relaxing, contemplative alpha space.

Reconnect with Nature

Still having trouble getting over it? Then head somewhere lush and green, get your shoes and socks off, put your feel in contact with the earth (or grass), hug a tree if need be, and soak up natures energy. It’s there in abundance and waiting to rejuvenate and heal you.

Take Responsibility

In the end the only person who has control over the situation, how you perceive what’s going on and how you react is you. Recognise that you can change your approach and reaction to anything – it’s you that controls the feelings you have. Taking ultimate responsibility for everything that happens to you is the path to true happiness. Try it and see how your life changes.